The Blog

| July 29, 2018

Number 259

Mamma Mia, Because You Have To

We went to see Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again. Of course we did. 


And this is exactly why I want to be an actor…well, maybe not an actor…a movie star!…well, maybe not a movie star…a personality, I guess. And a well-connected one. And one with good back story. Because from the looks of things, this is how I think this movie got pulled together: Somebody called somebody else and said, 

“Let’s see if ABBA wrote enough songs for a sequel to that happy Meryl Streep thing from ten years ago. And if they did, or even if they didn’t, let’s see if we can get everybody together again for a couple of weeks in the most beautiful parts of Greece and they can read some lines and sing a couple of songs and wait for the royalties to roll in, which they will, after the international take, and everybody will make millions for walking around in bright colors with what I’m guessing will be a really great Craft Services food set up. Who could say “No” to that? 

“Let’s start with Meryl! What’s that? She’s busy? She’s off filming 7 movies already and one of them is a remake of The Sound of Music in which she plays all of the parts? Well…what if her character is already dead when we start the movie and all of the other characters can talk about her for the entire remainder of the movie and say how wonderful she was and how much they miss her and they wish she was here and all that, and she comes back at the end like some kind of an angelic ghost presence, with one incredibly touching number? Yeah, that’ll be good. We’d only need her for like an hour and then she can head back to “Edelweiss” country and still collect her royalties which will be mega and she’ll still steal the movie because that’s what she does, and even if the rest of the movie feels like a Love Boat special from the 70s, without the Captain, Isaac and Julie, the audience will still leave happy because they got to see their Meryl!

“But wait. Maybe we need another draw who would appeal to the built-in audience for this kind of thing. Someone who can sing, someone who doesn’t make movies a lot these days, someone who’s glamorous and bigger than life, someone who’s truly age-defying, someone who knows her way around a sequin! A legend! A mega-star! A performer! Someone like…Ann Margret!…too sweet?………..Raquel Welch!…too breathy?…………………Got it! CHER! Perfect! Big entrance, big exit, big wig, two numbers, ten minutes of screen time tops. No one will even notice we never wrote a script!”

Anyway, that’s what I think happened. And you know what? I’m totally fine with it. Because Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again is pretty and happy and ridiculous and a brainless way to relax for two hours while you wait for the wonder that is Meryl and the experience that is Cher!  

Add a large popcorn and a medium Diet Coke and I may even go back – after all, how can I resist you?  


Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
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